GOOD NEWS ABOUT WINTER
We can take a
five month break in leg shaving.
Shivering can
count as exercise.
When we milk the
cows, we get ice cream.
When we milk the brown cows - we get chocolate ice
cream.
We don’t look
fat in warm clothes.
Our snowman made
carrot cake but it tastes like boogers.
BAD NEWS ABOUT
WINTER
We have to carry
around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas.
Words freeze in
the air. If we want to hear what someone has said,
we have to grab a handful of
sentences and take them in by the fire.
When we’re
wearing gloves we have to use our nose to answer our cell phones.
We have to stop
eating with metal cutlery because some people have walked around for days with
spoons or forks stuck to their tongues.
IT’S SO COLD
THAT---
When a streaker
froze in mid-streak the town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended
he was a Greek statue until spring.
The dogs are
wearing cats.
The lunch room is
serving soup on a stick.
Terrorists are
starting to stockpile weapons-grade hot chocolate.
The dogs had to
put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running.
We pulled
everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up.
The Husky
Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A random joke---
"Gimme a
chocolate cone!" demands the customer as she walks into an ice cream
parlor.
"We're all out of chocolate," says the counterman.
"Then I'll take a chocolate in a cup with chocolate sauce and..."
"Sorry."
"Chocolate and vanilla combo?"
The counterman sighs, "Ma'am, do you see the 'straw' in strawberry?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the 'van' in vanilla?"
"Sure."
"Do you see the 'frick' in chocolate?"
"There's no 'frick' in chocolate."
"That's what I keep telling you!"
Heh,heh. My favorites are the dogs wearing cats, and warming up inside the freezer!
ReplyDeleteI've heard that joke before and still I didn't know what was coming till the end...benefit of getting old.
ReplyDeleteWarmth is around the corner...I hope.
We had a cow down on our farm
ReplyDeleteGolly ain't that queer
She gave milk without alarm
Golly ain't that queer
One day she drank from a frozen stream
Froze her tail like an iron beam
And ever since she gives ice cream
Golly ain't that queer.
One of my dad's car songs, to amuse recalcitrant children. I have more.
I love not having to shave my legs! Best part of winter.
ReplyDeleteI had to sit by my fireplace just to read this post....geez! And then I laughed until my butt fell off...;)
ReplyDeleteLOVED THIS POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep the CAA on speed dial just in case lol. I love the two huskies.
ReplyDeleteOh your jokes warmed my heart and you do know how much we need that. You had me laugh out loud no I have to go out in the darn thing to feed the not worrying about looking fat cows:) Hug B
ReplyDeleteSo I'm guessing it's darned cold at your house. :) Love the meme with the "bitching about how hot it is" I am actually enjoying this strange weather (for us) and know that before long it will be too hot.
ReplyDeleteThe joke at end is one I'll remember for Sr. High youth camp!!
OMG, got me laughing out loud and tears in my eyes!!! Love that freezing the butt off.
ReplyDeleteDid the laughing warm you up?
I feel so guilty. At the poultry show here on Saturday it was in the 70s. People were sunning themselves and wearing shorts and flip flops. We may not have any water this year, but life is pretty good right now. I'm headed for another cup of coffee right now, your post has given me the shivers.
ReplyDeleteI've definitely been getting my exercise this frickin' winter, Leenie! ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the giggles!
Joanne Noragon's song is as cute as this post! I'm ready for spring!
ReplyDeleteLinda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
Vert cheering on a chilly day!
ReplyDeleteloved the one with the guy's ass frozen off!
ox
AAAAAHHHHHH! :-) I thought I was the only one using my nose to answer calls!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL.
Pearl