Sunday, November 8, 2009

SOME OF MY FAVORITE JOKES


At least Thomas thinks they're funny!

1. What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast? Surreal.

2. Some people are like a slinky—you can see no conceivable use for them, but you can’t help smiling when you watch one tumble down the stairs.

3. What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

4. What is the difference between the Bird Flu and the Swine Flu? For bird flu you need tweetment. For the Swine flu you need oinkment.

5. What is invisible and smells like worms? Bird farts.

6. Why does the little mermaid wear seashells? Because B shells are too small and the D shells are too large.

7. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

8. Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the dog.

9. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? Location of the dirt bag.

10. What is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver? Bad golfer—Whack! Dang!   Bad skydiver—Dang! Whack!

11. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a sedan.

12. Where does a one-legged waitress work? At the IHOP. What is her name? Ilene.

13. What is the difference between humor and odor? Humor is a shift of wit.

14. What kind of pizza did the yogi order? One with everything

15. I got this new deodorant today. The instructions said, “Remove the cap and push up bottom.” I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.

10 comments:

Butternut Squash said...

Wonderful, I'm printing it out to share with the kids. They will be so popular at school tomorrow.

Bill S. said...

Some I can share with my students - some I can't. I loved them

Laura said...

Bird Farts, I Love it! Everybody loves fart jokes, no matter how they transpire; Also love the Harley vx Hoover joke! Thanks for the laugh

Flea said...

I love these! Especially the second one. :)

ELIZABETH said...

Had my whole family laughing.

DayPhoto said...

What a beautiful cat! Is he a Main Coon Cat? Our daughter has a lovely kitty like yours and she is Main Coon cat.'

Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/

Janie said...

Still snickering...

Anairam said...

Hehehe. I particularly liked the golfer & skydiver, and the bird & swine flu jokes!

Linda Sue said...

IHOP, hahahaha

frayedattheedge said...

Wonderful jokes - my favourite is the deodorant one!!