SOME OF MY FAVORITE JOKES

At least Thomas thinks they're funny!

1. What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast? Surreal.

2. Some people are like a slinky—you can see no conceivable use for them, but you can’t help smiling when you watch one tumble down the stairs.

3. What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

4. What is the difference between the Bird Flu and the Swine Flu? For bird flu you need tweetment. For the Swine flu you need oinkment.

5. What is invisible and smells like worms? Bird farts.

6. Why does the little mermaid wear seashells? Because B shells are too small and the D shells are too large.

7. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

8. Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the dog.

9. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? Location of the dirt bag.

10. What is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver? Bad golfer—Whack! Dang!   Bad skydiver—Dang! Whack!

11. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a sedan.

12. Where does a one-legged waitress work? At the IHOP. What is her name? Ilene.

13. What is the difference between humor and odor? Humor is a shift of wit.

14. What kind of pizza did the yogi order? One with everything

15. I got this new deodorant today. The instructions said, “Remove the cap and push up bottom.” I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.