Monday, December 13, 2010

CHRISTMAS CAROL TORTURE

Every office I’ve ever worked in has at least one perky lady who owns a little fuzzy pet, wears sparkly earrings, and knows everybody’s birthday.  When the calendar reaches the middle of November (and especially if we’re blessed with snow at the same time), Miss Perky gets all excited to hear all Christmas music all the time.  She even has a stack of CD’s in her car so she can hear fourteen different versions of The Little Drummer Boy.  Every office has one. 

The office radio is turned to an all Christmas music station as soon as we are back from Thanksgiving and we all get to listen to hour after hour of the following playlist:

Holly Jolly Christmas—Burl Ives (Oh, by golly have a holly jolly CHRISTMAS –mm-this YEAR.)

I’ll Be Home for Christmas—Bing Crosby (…if oooownleee in myeee DUH reems)

Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree—Brenda Lee (in a new—old—fashuned WAY!---b’dawr b’dawr b’dawr!)

Merry Christmas Darling-- Karen Carpenter (I’m Christmasing with yeeeeooooo).

Chestnuts Roasting—Frank Sinatra

Some peppy orchestra rendition of Sugar Plum Fairies

Blue Christmas—(you guessed it) Elvis (ah-ll h-ave uh-h blahloo Christmas)

Silver Bells -- Johnny Mathis (It’s Christmas tiiiiiyeeeem in the city)

Carol of the Bells—Manheim Steamroller (just shoot me!)

Sleigh Ride by another energetic orchestra with that trumpet whinny

Away in a Manger—John Denver (Nooooooo!)

Feliz Navidad—Jose Feliciano (from the bottom of my haaAhaart)

And don’t forget Santa Baby by Madonna.  

Actually, I kinda like that one (…an out-of-space convertible too, light blue, I’ll wait up for you, dear …think of all the fun I’ve missed! Boo doo bee doo!)

When they’ve all played; they play again.  Then I go out in the parking lot and hear them AGAIN.  And just in case I've forgotten in the short drive to the gas station more Christmas music is coming from loud speakers there.  And in every-single-store more Christmas music.

It tends to make me cranky.  Thank heavens I have this blog where I can vent.  It saves a lot of money on therapy.

Did you hear about the lady who died while ice fishing?  She was run over by the Zamboni machine.

Why do the three wise men wear fireman hats?  Because they came from afar.

15 comments:

TALON said...

lol, Leenie! At the jokes - the zamboni cracked me up (pun fully intended) and at the non-stop Christmas music until you want to shove pencils in your ear music. Somehow, I couldn't block it out today...it was everywhere...at the hairdresser, at the dentist...and at the grocery store. And it seemed I kept hearing the same song over and over - Chris Rae's, "Driving Home For Christmas" so of course I started making up my own lyrics...which involved letting him know exactly where he could drive - lol!

Kilauea Poetry said...

Gawd, while we're at it- I hate Santa Baby! It's funny, but I think now more than ever, I like to go a little slower..take my time (let the season's marinate)- by jolly!! (lol) I never thought how annoying it could be in an office situation- coupled with everything else! I'm picky as it is?
Love the jokes..hope you had a wonderful weekend of peace!

Runningspider said...

hey..
suck it up...
eat some chocolate..
fa allalalallalalal.
just remember... baby its cold outside so... be home for christmas.. because he sees you when your sleeping... that frosty the snowman... and his little red nosed reindeer too.. so have a holly jolly deck the halls rock around the christmas tree vomit and comit falalalallala..... christmas! (dont let that creepy guy keep you at his house because its cold outside!)
love from the fam... with jamm... and green eggs and hammm..sam i am...NOT.

Leenie said...

Now THAT'S a Christmas carol!

Flea said...

Oh man. I only work two days a week and I walk over to the radio and turn off the Christmas music. Drives me nuts, too.

susan m hinckley said...

Oh oh . . . I might be that person! My husband and I collect Christmas cd's and have around 1000. It's the hunt for something strange and wonderful recorded by an unexpected artist. Every year we make a themed mix cd which takes us weeks of fine tuning, and I create special cover art for it. Assembling the cds is a whole family project. And we have A LOT of friends who wait for that package in the mail every year. We're in our 17th year . . . (Don't worry -- I won't add you to the list.)

Yup. I'm the person you hate.

DayPhoto said...

BAHAHAHAHAH You made me laugh on a very tense day!

Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/

Sarah said...

Ha ha-your rendition of the songs is spot on! I know just what you mean. The one stuck in my head is the rocking around the christmas tree and Santa baby. I kind of like them at the beginning but nobody knows when enough is enough. Have you seen 'About A Boy'? If you have you will know what I mean if not then you won't!
I do like traditional carols though. In the bleak midwinter is a great song!
I don't get the zamboni machine joke. Is it an American thing or am I a bit dim?!

Like the second one though!

frayedattheedge said...

Hi Leenie - I've just emailed a link to you with a very silly Christmas song! Love Anne

Pearl said...

AHHHH! They came from afar!!!!

Oh, wait 'til my dad hears that one.

:-)

Sorry about the non-stop carols. The very first place I ever worked had the "LITE" station on 24x7 and ran Christmas carols from Thanksgiving to Christmas Day. Your aversion to Mannheim Steamroller is noted, and I raise you a "ba-rum-bum-bum-bum".

Pearl

Jill said...

Our selection of toons here in the UK might be be slightly different but effect is JUST THE SAME!

Pam said...

Haha Leenie - I've added a link to you at the bottom of my post! Maybe Miss Perky can team up with Ms Bodylanguage to tip us over the edge!x

Anairam said...

Hehehehe!!!! Oh, Miss Leenie, you are too, too funny. I kind of hate xmas carols too. Unless I sing them. But that never happens as no-one allows me to start.

Anairam said...

PS I don't get the zamboni joke. What is a zamboni? No really, I don't get it! Help me out of my misery, please.

Sarah said...

Thanks for clearing up the zamboni mystery! I see Anairam didn't know either! I get it now!