Tuesday, June 14, 2011

BICYCLE, BICYCLE (revisited)

A re-issue of a post from 2009.  Since this time said son has upgraded his bike and now goes riding at break-neck speeds with a group who casually put in 50 mile rides as an evening's entertainment.

“Mom, can I go with you on a bike ride?” Since he is over a foot taller and his legs much longer, I wasn’t sure how this would work. But, since he was interested in spending “quality time” with his mother I agreed. I told him the route I was planning to take, and that I wouldn’t care if he passed me and went on at his own speed.

For most of the ride we maintained a single-file steady pace. He had his music in his ears so he made LOUD comments. “Awesome sunrise! Cool horses!” The hills were a challenge. He was kind enough to wait for me at the top.

He was great about staying behind me. The last mile or so was a narrow bike path and a couple of blocks of neighborhood streets. “Hey, I’m going to try and make it home before this song is over!” In my mind he was listening to, "Fat bottomed girls, they'll be riding today, so look out for those beauties, oh yeah.” I let him go. I was already on the edge of exhaustion.

But my brain said, “Hey! He’s getting ahead of us! Don’t let him do that. Faster! Faster!
Legs and Lungs: Are you insane? This is a grandma’s body!
Brain: C’mon. You can’t let him beat us!
Eyes: Narrow bridge ahead! Slow Down! SLOW DOWN!
Nose: Aaaack! Bugs! A cloud of gnats! -- NO! I’ve sucked some inside.
Eyes: There’s a bug behind our glasses. Don’t let it get us!
Nose: I’m sending these aliens down to the mouth.
Mouth: What am I supposed to do with flying bugs? Hawuuuuccck.
Brain: No spitting! Be a lady.
Mouth: Ptewwy.
Eyes: Ewwwww!
Legs and Lungs: We’re dying here!
Eyes: RAILROAD TRACK! A—rr---rrr—gh—H!!!!
The dear boy was two blocks away by now. I came to my senses and slowed to a reasonable pace. He had his helmet off and was pulling the music out of his hears when I coasted into the driveway. “Made it! The song is just finishing!”

(more off-color lyrics), then, “Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round.”

9 comments:

Buttons said...

Funny you made me laugh out loud. Thank you. B

susan m hinckley said...

One of my favorite songs ever! (actually, both of them -- but I think fat bottomed girls comes in on top of bicycle) Not to mention an awesome post. I think I've been on that ride before ...

Thanks for the morning lift! Now I'm going to need a little Freddie Mercury.

Elizabeth said...

Sounds a bit tiring to me!
I give you credit for your exertions!

frayedattheedge said...

I could no more ride a bike than fly in the air!!

Sarah said...

Great description of cycling madness Leenie!

Pam said...

Oh yes...I'm married to an enthusiatic cyclist. I find it hard to share his enthusiasm however.It is I know, a great way to keep fit, and my bike waits patiently,(as does husband) for the next cycling adventure.

Mama Zen said...

This is hilarious!

CeeCee said...

Your description of the ride was so funny.
My hubby is a mountain biker. Can't get myself to get onboard and try it. There's something about crashing that really doesn't sound all the fun.

lizziviggi said...

Ha! That makes me think of my bike rides with my husband. He'll have the girls in the bike trailer and still kick my fat bottom every time!