THE WORDS OF THE PROPHETS ARE WRITTEN ON THE SUBWAY WALLS

Just random stuff I’ve collected from the web,

 from friends and from that Weirdo living in my head.

Valuable strategy for organizers, directors, people in charge, spouses—

“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the heck 

you were gonna do anyway.  

If caught, pretend you didn’t know 

whatever you were doing was against the rules.”  GB

Don’t you just hate leaving the house looking good (for once) 

and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.

It is difficult to differentiate between hunger and boredom.

 Makeup can make you pretty on the outside.  

But it doesn’t help if you’re ugly on inside (unless you eat the makeup).

There is just no good way to fold a fitted sheet.

Cats have poltergeist radar.

 Some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

 Google Maps needs an "Avoid Scary Neighborhood" option.

I can look at my watch three times and still not know what time it is.

How come I can’t find my keys in my pocket or my cell phone in my purse

 but I can find and hit the snooze button in the dark at three feet away, eyes closed?