GOOD NEWS ABOUT WINTER
Shivering can count as exercise.
When we milk the cows, we get ice cream.
When we milk the brown cows - we get chocolate ice cream.
We don’t look fat in warm clothes.
Our snowman made carrot cake but it tastes like boogers.
BAD NEWS ABOUT WINTER
We have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas.
Words freeze in the air. If we want to hear what someone has said,
we have to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire.
When we’re wearing gloves we have to use our nose to answer our cell phones.
We have to stop eating with metal cutlery because some people have walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues.
IT’S SO COLD THAT---
When a streaker froze in mid-streak the town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring.
The dogs are wearing cats.
The lunch room is serving soup on a stick.
Terrorists are starting to stockpile weapons-grade hot chocolate.
The dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running.
We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up.
The Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started!
A random joke---
"Gimme a chocolate cone!" demands the customer as she walks into an ice cream parlor.
"We're all out of chocolate," says the counterman.
"Then I'll take a chocolate in a cup with chocolate sauce and..."
"Chocolate and vanilla combo?"
The counterman sighs, "Ma'am, do you see the 'straw' in strawberry?"
"Do you see the 'van' in vanilla?"
"Do you see the 'frick' in chocolate?"
"There's no 'frick' in chocolate."
"That's what I keep telling you!"