Monday, January 27, 2014

WINTER NEWS

GOOD NEWS ABOUT WINTER


We can take a five month break in leg shaving.


 Shivering can count as exercise.

When we milk the cows, we get ice cream. 
When we milk the brown cows - we get chocolate ice cream.

We don’t look fat in warm clothes.

Our snowman made carrot cake but it tastes like boogers.


BAD NEWS ABOUT WINTER

We have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas.

Words freeze in the air. If we want to hear what someone has said,
 we have to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire.

When we’re wearing gloves we have to use our nose to answer our cell phones.

We have to stop eating with metal cutlery because some people have walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues.


IT’S SO COLD THAT---

When a streaker froze in mid-streak the town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring.

The dogs are wearing cats.

The lunch room is serving soup on a stick.

Terrorists are starting to stockpile weapons-grade hot chocolate.

The dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running.

We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up.

The Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started! 
  
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A random joke---

"Gimme a chocolate cone!" demands the customer as she walks into an ice cream parlor.
"We're all out of chocolate," says the counterman.
"Then I'll take a chocolate in a cup with chocolate sauce and..."
"Sorry."
"Chocolate and vanilla combo?"
The counterman sighs, "Ma'am, do you see the 'straw' in strawberry?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the 'van' in vanilla?"
"Sure."
"Do you see the 'frick' in chocolate?"
"There's no 'frick' in chocolate."
"That's what I keep telling you!"

15 comments:

Val said...

Heh,heh. My favorites are the dogs wearing cats, and warming up inside the freezer!

joeh said...

I've heard that joke before and still I didn't know what was coming till the end...benefit of getting old.

Warmth is around the corner...I hope.

Joanne Noragon said...

We had a cow down on our farm
Golly ain't that queer
She gave milk without alarm
Golly ain't that queer
One day she drank from a frozen stream
Froze her tail like an iron beam
And ever since she gives ice cream
Golly ain't that queer.

One of my dad's car songs, to amuse recalcitrant children. I have more.

Birdie said...

I love not having to shave my legs! Best part of winter.

Runningspider said...

I had to sit by my fireplace just to read this post....geez! And then I laughed until my butt fell off...;)

fishducky said...

LOVED THIS POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Delores said...

Keep the CAA on speed dial just in case lol. I love the two huskies.

Buttons said...

Oh your jokes warmed my heart and you do know how much we need that. You had me laugh out loud no I have to go out in the darn thing to feed the not worrying about looking fat cows:) Hug B

Carla said...

So I'm guessing it's darned cold at your house. :) Love the meme with the "bitching about how hot it is" I am actually enjoying this strange weather (for us) and know that before long it will be too hot.
The joke at end is one I'll remember for Sr. High youth camp!!

Florida Farm Girl said...

OMG, got me laughing out loud and tears in my eyes!!! Love that freezing the butt off.

Did the laughing warm you up?

Jan Blawat said...

I feel so guilty. At the poultry show here on Saturday it was in the 70s. People were sunning themselves and wearing shorts and flip flops. We may not have any water this year, but life is pretty good right now. I'm headed for another cup of coffee right now, your post has given me the shivers.

TALON said...

I've definitely been getting my exercise this frickin' winter, Leenie! ;)

Thanks for the giggles!

Terry and Linda said...

Joanne Noragon's song is as cute as this post! I'm ready for spring!

Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com

elizabeth said...

Vert cheering on a chilly day!
loved the one with the guy's ass frozen off!

ox

Pearl said...

AAAAAHHHHHH! :-) I thought I was the only one using my nose to answer calls!!!

LOL.

Pearl