Saturday, April 17, 2010


Girls raised on a farm learn real early there is no Super Man, no Mighty Mouse, and no Popeye to save a damsel in distress. If you call for help you'd better mean it. Especially if the guy has to leave a piece of greasy machinery in parts or a cow half de-horned.

That being said; I noticed while cleaning bathrooms that the seats had reached an EW factor of about nine. Yeah, it had been a LONG time since the last replacement.

So I’m at Wal-Mart with two shiny new seats under my arm ( I got the inexpensive ones, a whole six bucks each) when I remembered I needed a big bag of peat moss for my garden—and I had no cart. I set the seats down and got a cart. Now my seats were gone, taken ‘way back to the plumbing department by an efficient Wal-Mart associate. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I’d stuck the new white potty covers in with a display of Doritos.

Anyway, replacing one toilet seat took about fifteen minutes. This included cleaning the really gross area where the old one was attached.

Instructions said, “Easy to install. All you need is a screwdriver.” My fingers weren’t strong enough to loosen the nuts on the plastic bolts so I needed a pair of pliers. And rubber gloves helped with the EW factor.

I used the screwdriver blade to flip up the little covers, loosened the bolts; took off the old seat and dumped it in the trash. No recycling as picture frame or bread board.

The new seat went on without a problem.

"I can rub and scrub this old house till it’s shinin’ like a dime.
Feed the baby, grease the car and powder my face at the same time.
I can scoop up a great big dipper full of lard from the drippin's can.
Throw it in a skillet, go out and do my shoppin’ be back before it melts in the pan.
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N."


Linda Sue said...

I thought that for sure your pooty seats were not going to fit in the end. Or that you would find a scorpion in the box or something horrid-Whew- made it through that post safely!

Kilauea Poetry said...

Hilarious!! I enjoyed your post..I saw M.M. once back in the day and then when she (we) got older on a to visit the Islands- what a riot!
Hope you have a wonderful weekend-

Flea said...

Awesome sauce! I've changed my share of potty seats, especially when my boys were little and newly trained. Ew is right.

TheSims said...

Chris was playing in the potty this weekend too. Had to change something inside the tank so we don't have to yell at the kids to "shake the handle" all the time. Glad it was him and not me. He said he would rather do that then do the girls hair after their baths. I would gladly do the girls hair twenty times then have to do anything that involved playing in the toilet. eeeeew.

Krista said...

You are my new hero! I'm amazed if I can just get mine cleaned these days. The other upstairs bathroom is lookin' a little worn. I don't know why, this house is only four years old. I might have to go get a new seat (I did consider spray painting this one - some obnoxious color). Maybe I'll be brave enough to change it myself.

Anonymous said...

I found this hilarious, as a potty to us is something different - the small things that I child sits on when being toilet trained, so I had a vision of you perched on small receptacle (the adult versions as used in the days before indoor plumbing are called chamber pots). I would need rubber gloves as well!

Fat, Female and Forty said...

You are the woman! I love the idea of using the old seat as a picture frame - or maybe a wreath for my neighbor's front door when they're not expecting it. Hmmmm.

Runningspider said...

After this last few months I have a new appreciation for the "potty" and its shrine. Pleased to hear of the new furnishings, I will bring the tribe over to help break them in. Did you think maybe of using the old ones to frame a great painting of an out house?

Pam said...

I'm impressed!

CeeCee said...

Good for you!
My recent "I am woman" moment was replacing an electrical outlet. I did not get shocked or burn the house down.