Monday, July 25, 2011

TRYING TO AVOID A PANCAKE ATTACK

About a year ago I posted a little rant about the frustration of having to buy a bunch of stuff I didn’t want, just to get the one thing I did.  It seems so many things such as shoe laces, socks and batteries are sold in large quantities in indestructible packages.

Another similar bit of marketing I find frustrating is too much technology. 

For example I wanted to upgrade my graphics software and get a newer version of Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop.  It turns out these programs are now so powerful and come with so many menus and submenus that no one will ever, EVER be able to totally comprehend all their capabilities.  Which explains why they cost a ba-jillion dollars.  BUT a consumer is almost forced to purchase Adobe products in a “creative suite.”  As a result, along with Photoshop and Illustrator, I have installed on my  computer programs for:   animation, word processing, web design, do it yourself heart surgery and directions for constructing and launching an international space station.

Which brings me to telephones.  You know where I’m going with this don’t you.  It just wasn’t that long ago that a phone was tied to wall with a wire, had a little clickety-click wheel to dial the number and was only used for voice communication. 

I was almost getting comfortable with my little cell phone with the teeny tiny keys.  You know the ones that allowed you to text your friends and tell them you love the little purple panties in your garden and you need a good recipe for fried children.

Well, now I’ve got a “smart phone.”  It has a beautiful display, can surf the web, take photos and movies, call anyone, understand voice commands in a twisted sort of way (somehow gummy bears become crummy broads, and deathly hallows turn into deadly halitosis), predict weather, locate the nearest drug dealer druggist, etc.  I’m learning to slide my finger all over that slick little screen—tap, double tap, swipe, flick.  I just know I’ll never, never master even a fraction of the powers of this little gadget.

However, I’ve made it all the way to the twelfth level of Angry Birds. (Stupid pigs)

16 comments:

Debbie said...

hahaha....this is classic!!

you need to publish this stuff!!

TexWisGirl said...

purple panties in the garden?! well, my, my... ;)

CeeCee said...

Dangit, TexWisgirl beat me to it! Why are there purple panties in your garden? :)
On the subject of your post---I too, am not so on board with technology that does more than I want it to. We finally were able to find my in-laws (80+ years old) a cell phone that only makes phone calls and has large keys. :)

Linda Sue said...

We missed you at the lake on our one summer day- stella sends you a big kiss-
This post is hilarious! I am entirely stuck - phone in bondage era. The only reason for my cell phone is because it was free when Erik and the man got their smarty pants phones- DROID. They are remarkable- It is already becoming so yesterday for Erik.

Mama Zen said...

And, that's the important thing!

CeeCee said...

Leenie, my hubby sent me this link. British humor regarding technology. He knows he can make me cry, just by buying a new remote for the TV.
http://www.flixxy.com/my-blackberry-is-not-working.htm

fifi said...

Hilarious!

If you want a laugh, go to "Damn You Auto Correct"

I was laughing so hard with my mouth wide open that my daughter came in and thought I was choking on something. Just Google DYAC and go to best of.

fifi said...

oh splendid, I have published twice, typos and no typos, LOL

Leenie said...

Ceecee: I 'bout lost it watching "my blackberry is not working." !!!!!

fifi: I'm not surprised there is a site dedicated to auto correct bloopers. Going off to check it out.

Terry and Linda said...

You made me laugh! I had to by Adobe Photoshop when I left work so I would have one at home. You bespoke the TRUTH!

Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
http://deltacountyhistoricalsociety.wordpress.com

TALON said...

So true about the forced over-consumption in products, Leenie. I always hear about 'angry birds', but haven't ever seen one (except for the real life Blue Jay that is making my black cat's life a living hell at the moment). I think I'm truly archaic - I've never owned a cell phone! I've been looking to upgrade my Photoshop and got such a headache, I haven't done any further research - lol!

Anzu said...

My usage of smart phone was far from smart. Now I need reading glasses to tap or read small letters, moreover it took much time. That high communication charge could not catch up with the worth for my poor usages. I used smart phone for one year and then, I allowed me to use previous cell phone. ε= (´∞` ;) (LOL)

Buttons said...

Hilarious, I am laughing thinking of this rant. I don't have photo shop and I probably should have, I have a touch-tone, looks like a vintage dial-up phone, I also have the dial-up phone. I love this. I don't have voice mail, call waiting etc etc I am OK with that. I do have a cell phone, it is big so I can find it in my purse of stuff I have yet to identify. I love texting and have T9 what ever that means but I love it.
I hate buying sixty things in a box that I cannot for the life of me open just to get one out.
Technology sucks and I love it I cannot decide. Great post please write about the purple panties in your garden. Did you grow them?. LOL. Oh yes and I hate LOL but know of no other way to laugh now.. B

Anairam said...

Oh Leenie, you are too funny!! Purple panties, hahaha!!But what you say is so true. In the 80's I had total control of my desktop computer; I wrote my own boot files to make it load certain software automatically on startup, and so forth. If something went wrong, I had a good chance of fixing the problem myself. I actually UNDERSTOOD the operating system. But now I don't even know half of the stuff that is on my laptop; new versions and junk just install themselves, often without my knowledge, software companies even peek at what I do and send data back to their servers. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I am holding on to my ancient cellphone, I refuse to get one that can take photos & videos and can send email and surf the Internet. No jeez, I have a LIFE to live!

frayedattheedge said...

I love this post!! Two of my friends have the same phone - it is really meant for old folks, but they love it - all it does is make phone calls and text ...... although it will only text in upper case, which is the equivalent of shouting!!

Sarah said...

So true and so funny! At the moment on tv there is an advert for i-phones which starts with the line "If you don't have an i-phone then you can't"...(do various amazing things-all of which I can do in other ways thanks) The blatancy (they might as well just come out and say it-"you sad loser you are not as good as everyone els with and i-phone") of this advert makes me angry and almost determined never to have an i-phone! We have two external storage devices and have had lots of trouble with them because of the crap that comes attached-none of it easy to understand and all of it taking up valuable lap top memory space-defeating the object I would say. Oh look you have started me ranting-sorry!
Love the purple panties in the above post and can't wait to see your recipe for fried children!