ONE PERSON'S PLEASURE IS ANOTHER'S PAIN

My dear, sweet husband of several decades is Danish.  Bless his heart.

He has the metabolism of a polar bear. His favorite sport is ice fishing.

 

When the weather cools he exchanges his long fishing pole for a short one and tunes up the ice auger.

Many years ago he invited me and our daughters to share in the fun of catching fish on a frozen lake when the temperature is so cold that spit freezes before it hits the snow.

I am convinced ice fishing is a kind of penance some guys inflict upon themselves for past wicked deeds. To ensure the pain is most exquisite, the torture seems to require rising in the darkest part of the coldest night in hell, driving over an hour through a ground blizzard so the fishing can begin

as the sun blinks a cold eye across the lake now covered in three feet of ice.

Here is a picture of DH and his fishing buddy getting ready to share the joy of feet so cold they can pass for frozen hamburger.

A successful ice fisherman needs to feel the tug of the fish as it takes the line, which means gloves are not an option.

We caught beautiful rainbow and brown trout.

A lot of trout.

DH usually catches his limit and fills up the limit of anyone else who can’t bring in their own.

Fish living in icy lake water have a wonderful, buttery fresh flavor. This is why I have no problem when these lunkers come home for dinner. The fishermen do the cleaning and then fillet them out in preparation for cooking and/or freezing for later.

These are old photos because this is the second and absolutely last time I went ice fishing. The daughter who inherited the Danish blood stayed on the ice and fished with the guys. After about an hour of affliction the other daughter and I skulked off to the car to huddle around the heater and sleep.

Two pages later in this photo album is a picture of me enjoying some January weather the way it should be done.

ALOHA!

FIRST YOU NEED A CLEAR SKY

I took this shot from our back step last week. When I got my zoom lens I found instructions on the web on how to photograph the moon. I didn’t make a note of the link but I’m sure if you look around you can find it.

Two simple rules were given. 1. Don’t use any auto exposure modes (program, aperture, or shutter priority)-SWITCH TO FULL MANUAL. 2. Follow the first rule, or else. Then there was a long detailed explanation about shutter speeds, pixels and F stops. It mostly boiled down to setting the focus to infinity, the ISO to 400 if you are not using a tripod, 100-200 if you are. Set your aperture to 5.6 (F8 for ISO 100) and shutter speed to 1/400. These settings work well for me. Sometimes I crank the ISO up to 800 when I can’t steady the camera against a wall, but the pictures aren’t as sharp. My problem is remembering from one time to the next how to adjust the manual settings on my Nikon.

Nikon D40 with a Nikkor 70-300 lens with vibration reduction. F5.6 at 1/400 ISO 200, manual focus set to infinity.

The lower the moon is in the sky the better the shot. Both photos were cropped to size in Photoshop. Orange was added to the first shot for spooky effect.

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An old man is a witness in a burglary case.

The defense lawyer asks the old man, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?"

"Yes," says the old man. "I saw him plainly take the goods."

The lawyer asks the old man: "This happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"

"Yes," says the old man. "I saw him do it."

Then the lawyer asks him, "Listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?"

The old man thinks for a few moments then says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"

I know, Old Joke.

On the motionless branches of some trees, autumn berries hung like clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards where the fruits were jewels.  -- Charles Dickens

SOME OF MY FAVORITE JOKES

At least Thomas thinks they're funny!

1. What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast? Surreal.

2. Some people are like a slinky—you can see no conceivable use for them, but you can’t help smiling when you watch one tumble down the stairs.

3. What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

4. What is the difference between the Bird Flu and the Swine Flu? For bird flu you need tweetment. For the Swine flu you need oinkment.

5. What is invisible and smells like worms? Bird farts.

6. Why does the little mermaid wear seashells? Because B shells are too small and the D shells are too large.

7. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

8. Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the dog.

9. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? Location of the dirt bag.

10. What is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver? Bad golfer—Whack! Dang!   Bad skydiver—Dang! Whack!

11. Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a sedan.

12. Where does a one-legged waitress work? At the IHOP. What is her name? Ilene.

13. What is the difference between humor and odor? Humor is a shift of wit.

14. What kind of pizza did the yogi order? One with everything

15. I got this new deodorant today. The instructions said, “Remove the cap and push up bottom.” I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.