GOOD NEWS ABOUT WINTER
We can take a
five month break in leg shaving.
Shivering can
count as exercise.
When we milk the
cows, we get ice cream.
When we milk the brown cows - we get chocolate ice
cream.
We don’t look
fat in warm clothes.
Our snowman made
carrot cake but it tastes like boogers.
BAD NEWS ABOUT
WINTER
We have to carry
around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas.
Words freeze in
the air. If we want to hear what someone has said,
we have to grab a handful of
sentences and take them in by the fire.
When we’re
wearing gloves we have to use our nose to answer our cell phones.
We have to stop
eating with metal cutlery because some people have walked around for days with
spoons or forks stuck to their tongues.
IT’S SO COLD
THAT---
When a streaker
froze in mid-streak the town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended
he was a Greek statue until spring.
The dogs are
wearing cats.
The lunch room is
serving soup on a stick.
Terrorists are
starting to stockpile weapons-grade hot chocolate.
The dogs had to
put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running.
We pulled
everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up.
The Husky
Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A random joke---
"Gimme a
chocolate cone!" demands the customer as she walks into an ice cream
parlor.
"We're all out of chocolate," says the counterman.
"Then I'll take a chocolate in a cup with chocolate sauce and..."
"Sorry."
"Chocolate and vanilla combo?"
The counterman sighs, "Ma'am, do you see the 'straw' in strawberry?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the 'van' in vanilla?"
"Sure."
"Do you see the 'frick' in chocolate?"
"There's no 'frick' in chocolate."
"That's what I keep telling you!"
