Friday, June 5, 2009


“Mom, can I go with you on a bike ride?” Since he is over a foot taller and his legs much longer, I wasn’t sure how this would work. But, since he was interested in spending “quality time” with his mother I agreed. I told him the route I was planning to take, and that I wouldn’t care if he passed me and went on at his own speed.

For most of the ride we maintained a single-file steady pace. He had his music in his ears so he made LOUD comments. “Awesome sunrise! Cool horses!” The hills were a challenge. He was kind enough to wait for me at the top.

He was great about staying behind me. The last mile or so was a narrow bike path and a couple of blocks of neighborhood streets. “Hey, I’m going to try and make it home before this song is over!” In my mind he was listening to, "Fat bottomed girls, they'll be riding today, so look out for those beauties, oh yeah.” I let him go. I was already on the edge of exhaustion.

But my brain said, “Hey! He’s getting ahead of us! Don’t let him do that. Faster! Faster!
Legs and Lungs: Are you insane? This is a grandma’s body!
Brain: C’mon. You can’t let him beat us!
Eyes: Narrow bridge ahead! Slow Down! SLOW DOWN!
Nose: Aaaack! Bugs! A cloud of gnats! -- NO! I’ve sucked some inside.
Eyes: There’s a bug behind our glasses. Don’t let it get us!
Nose: I’m sending these aliens down to the mouth.
Mouth: What am I supposed to do with flying bugs? Hawuuuuccck.
Brain: No spitting! Be a lady.
Mouth: Ptewwy.
Eyes: Ewwwww!
Legs and Lungs: We’re dying here!
Eyes: RAILROAD TRACK! A—rr---rrr—gh—H!!!!
The dear boy was two blocks away by now. I came to my senses and slowed to a reasonable pace. He had his helmet off and was pulling the music out of his hears when I coasted into the driveway. “Made it! The song is just finishing!”

(more off-color lyrics), then, “Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round.”


Flea said...

Ack! Ack! Ack! You inhaled bugs! Ack!

Laura said...

That cracked me up! I just looked at some bicycles today for myself. Am thinking of getting one of those low bikes with a far front tire and two in the back so I can take the dog for longer and faster walks, well for him the idea is to get him to run. I can't run and he loves to I may find out soon enough what it's like to swallow gnats! Can't wait!!!

olivia said...


You have a great way with words that makes me feel as if I'm right there w/ you experiencing what you are writing about.

Country Girl said...

Wow! Great post. I love it when children enjoy spending time with their parents. And yuck on the bugs.

Jeannelle said...

Oh, Leenie...what a great perspective from various angles of yourself. Congrats to your mind on thinking of telling the tale that way.....very unique and entertaining! And, I think its wonderful that your son wanted to go bike riding with you.